I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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