YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Randomize