We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Randomize
