So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
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