Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
