You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Randomize
