What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Randomize
