filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Randomize