all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
