i just google imaged poop.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize