i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
