highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Randomize
