If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
we're making bets on your personal life
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Randomize
