wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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