You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Randomize
