can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
