we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Randomize