he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
I have feelings that need drinking.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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