I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Randomize
