the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Randomize
