New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
