my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
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