It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
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