: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
