Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
Randomize
