why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
So. Much. Porn.
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