Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
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