Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
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