I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
