I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Randomize
