it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
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