I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
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