I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Randomize
