dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
