and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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