I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Randomize
