he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize
