I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
No subtext here. People are naked.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Randomize
