Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Randomize
