CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
