Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
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