I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
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