i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Randomize
