Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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