They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
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