well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Randomize
