have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Randomize