the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
