sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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