I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Randomize
