i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Randomize
