I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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