The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
