i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Randomize
