The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Randomize
