I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
