One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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