When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
