What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
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