I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
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