Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
