So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
And then he peed in my hair
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
Randomize