mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
