yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
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