i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
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