walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
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