We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
