plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Randomize
