I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
