Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
