Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
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