i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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