awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
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