Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
