Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
Soap is not a condiment
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Randomize
