well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Randomize