When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Randomize
