theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
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