we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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