We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
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