I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
