My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
I deserve to be covered in dicks
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
