if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
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