broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Randomize
