i wish starbucks made bloody marys
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
