at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Randomize
