dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
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