so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
Randomize
